Joke, Chuckle
07-16-2007, 09:33 PM
#1
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Join Date: 05-13-2006
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 2,334
Joke, Chuckle
I couldn`t find the joke thread, I saw this in todays paper...
A baby turtle stands at the foot of a tall tree. With a deep sigh, he starts to climb. About four hours later, he reaches the highest branch. He turns, spreads his limbs and launches himself off the branch, plummeting like a brick. After landing, he shakes himself off, sighs, and begins to climb again.
About four hours later, he again reaches the highest branch. Again he turns, spreads his limbs, and flings himself off the branch. Again he plummets like a brick. Again he sighs and starts to climb.
Watching carefully from the end of the branch are two birds. Mommy bird turns to Daddy bird and says, "Don`t you think it`s time we told him he was adopted?"
A baby turtle stands at the foot of a tall tree. With a deep sigh, he starts to climb. About four hours later, he reaches the highest branch. He turns, spreads his limbs and launches himself off the branch, plummeting like a brick. After landing, he shakes himself off, sighs, and begins to climb again.
About four hours later, he again reaches the highest branch. Again he turns, spreads his limbs, and flings himself off the branch. Again he plummets like a brick. Again he sighs and starts to climb.
Watching carefully from the end of the branch are two birds. Mommy bird turns to Daddy bird and says, "Don`t you think it`s time we told him he was adopted?"
07-18-2007, 06:13 PM
#3
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Join Date: 05-13-2006
Location: Chicago,IL
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Today`s Chuckle...
Two guys are walking their dogs, one a Labrador, the other a Chihuahua. They pass a restaurant and want to go in, but a sign in the window warns "No Dogs."
"No problem," the guy with the Chihuahua says. "Just tell them you`re blind and he`s a seeing-eye dog."
The guy with the Lab walks in first and the maitre d` hurries over. "I`m sorry, sir," he says. "No dogs allowed."
"But I`m blind and this is a seeing-eye dog."
"Oh, I`m sorry, sir," says the maitre d`.
"Come right this way."
The next guy follows. Again, the maitre d` hurries over. "I`m sorry, sir. No dogs allowed."
"But I`m blind and this is a seeing-eye dog."
"Are you kidding?" scoffs the maitre d`.
"Since when is a Chihuahua a seeing-eye dog?"
"What???" the second guy screams. "They gave me a Chihuahua???"
"No problem," the guy with the Chihuahua says. "Just tell them you`re blind and he`s a seeing-eye dog."
The guy with the Lab walks in first and the maitre d` hurries over. "I`m sorry, sir," he says. "No dogs allowed."
"But I`m blind and this is a seeing-eye dog."
"Oh, I`m sorry, sir," says the maitre d`.
"Come right this way."
The next guy follows. Again, the maitre d` hurries over. "I`m sorry, sir. No dogs allowed."
"But I`m blind and this is a seeing-eye dog."
"Are you kidding?" scoffs the maitre d`.
"Since when is a Chihuahua a seeing-eye dog?"
"What???" the second guy screams. "They gave me a Chihuahua???"
07-18-2007, 06:27 PM
#4
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Join Date: 04-19-2006
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 457
Today's chuckle
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" -- even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
11-21-2007, 11:34 AM
#6
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Location: Rochester,N.Y.
Posts: 9,121
An Italian joke
Another Italian buddy just emailed me this but I'm sure non-Italians can find the humor in it. 
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground, and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up ..... and all the other bells started to ring.
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground, and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up ..... and all the other bells started to ring.
11-21-2007, 10:03 PM
#7
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Join Date: 09-09-2007
Location: Glen Ellyn, IL
Posts: 806
2 old women are sitting at the bus stop, waiting. They both are smokers and decide to each puff away while waiting. As they puff, it starts to drizzle. Marge quickly goes into her clutch-bag, pulls something out and slides it over her cigarette.
Ethel looks over and says "whatcha' do that for?" Marge replies "it keeps my cigarette dry." Ethel asks what it is and is told "I just take a condom, snip off the tip and voila!"
Ethel later goes to the local drugstore and asks the pharmacist where the condoms are. Perplexed, he leads her over to the condoms and says "Which brand would you care for?" Ethel looks at the young pharmacist and replies "Why would I care about that. As long as it fits on a Camel, I'm good"
Ethel looks over and says "whatcha' do that for?" Marge replies "it keeps my cigarette dry." Ethel asks what it is and is told "I just take a condom, snip off the tip and voila!"
Ethel later goes to the local drugstore and asks the pharmacist where the condoms are. Perplexed, he leads her over to the condoms and says "Which brand would you care for?" Ethel looks at the young pharmacist and replies "Why would I care about that. As long as it fits on a Camel, I'm good"
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