This is too funny...

"This is Valentine's Day. And Sam forgot it.

Sam's wife had a card addressed to him, hidden in her top dresser drawer. Her gift to him was under her dresses in the closet. She waited for him to make the first move, to end this little dodge of his. There he was, sitting down to watch television at 7:30 at night as if he might be camped out there till bedtime ... as if he'd actually forgotten what day this is!

Finally, at 10 P.M., when Sam had stumbled upstairs to brush his teeth, he found his wife sitting bolt upright in bed. Somehow the temperature felt noticeably cooler in that room than in the other parts of the house.

"What's the matter? What'd I do?" He did a super-quick scan of his usual offences. Everything checked out.

"Tomorrow morning," she said through clenched teeth, "I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from zero to two hundred in less than six seconds. And it had better be there!"

With that, she snatched her pillow and blanket and trudged off, presumably to the downstairs sofa, leaving Sam standing there looking very unmanly, totally exposed as a Valentine forgetter. But his pride wasn't about to be threatened so easily.

The next morning his wife found a gift box in the driveway. She tore it open and looked inside.

It was a bathroom scale.

Sam has been missing since Friday." excerpt from Moments with You by Dennis Rainey