Jokes
03-31-2020, 06:59 PM
#191
Senior Member
Join Date: 07-02-2013
Location: Claremont, CA
Posts: 7,827
Cross-examination
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.
Q. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best comeback" line and we think he'll win.
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.
Q. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best comeback" line and we think he'll win.
03-31-2020, 07:01 PM
#192
Senior Member
Join Date: 07-02-2013
Location: Claremont, CA
Posts: 7,827
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy.
>
> He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he
>has a better education.
>
> He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies
>expense...
>
> Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What for?"
>
> Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign ."
>
> Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
>
> Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
>registration, please."
>
> Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
>
> Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,
>that's the law. License and registration, please!"
>
> Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
>and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the
>ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
>
> Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
>
> At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the
>ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says:
>
> "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
>
> He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he
>has a better education.
>
> He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies
>expense...
>
> Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What for?"
>
> Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign ."
>
> Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
>
> Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
>registration, please."
>
> Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
>
> Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,
>that's the law. License and registration, please!"
>
> Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
>and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the
>ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
>
> Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
>
> At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the
>ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says:
>
> "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
04-22-2020, 02:51 PM
#200
Senior Member
Join Date: 04-06-2020
Location: Missouri
Posts: 853
I woman placed an ad on a dating site...
!!! WANTED !!!
A Man who will not beat on me,
A Man who will not run around behind my back
and A Man who can please me !
A few days later her door bell rang, when she opened her door there was a Man at her feet with no arms or legs...
Surprised, she asked, Who are you?
He said, I am the man who answered your ad !
She was dumbfounded?
He said, Ma'am, I Have no arms, I cant beat you !
I have no legs so I cant run around behind your back !
She looks at him and says BUT can you please me??
He looked at her and said....
I rang your doorbell didn't I.....
!!! WANTED !!!
A Man who will not beat on me,
A Man who will not run around behind my back
and A Man who can please me !
A few days later her door bell rang, when she opened her door there was a Man at her feet with no arms or legs...
Surprised, she asked, Who are you?
He said, I am the man who answered your ad !
She was dumbfounded?
He said, Ma'am, I Have no arms, I cant beat you !
I have no legs so I cant run around behind your back !
She looks at him and says BUT can you please me??
He looked at her and said....
I rang your doorbell didn't I.....