Lawyer Jokes...
07-02-2012, 11:43 AM
#2
Deceased
Join Date: 06-30-2010
Location: Kannapolis NC
Posts: 25,739
OK, I'll take the bait.
A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"
The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."
"A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?"
"It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"
A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"
The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."
"A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?"
"It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"
07-02-2012, 12:09 PM
#7
Deceased
Join Date: 06-30-2010
Location: Kannapolis NC
Posts: 25,739
You May Need A New Lawyer If:
*Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser.
*When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
*Your lawyer picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
*Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
*A prison guard is shaving your head.
*Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser.
*When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
*Your lawyer picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
*Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
*A prison guard is shaving your head.
07-02-2012, 12:14 PM
#9
Deceased
Join Date: 06-30-2010
Location: Kannapolis NC
Posts: 25,739
An attorney, cross-examining the local coroner, queried, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"
"No," the coroner replied.
"Well, then, did you listen for a heart beat?"
The coroner answered, "No."
"Did you check for respiration? Breathing?", asked the attorney.
Again the coroner replied, "No."
"Ah," the attorney said, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
The coroner rolled his eyes, and shot back "Counselor, at the time I signed the death certificate the man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I can see your point. For all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
"No," the coroner replied.
"Well, then, did you listen for a heart beat?"
The coroner answered, "No."
"Did you check for respiration? Breathing?", asked the attorney.
Again the coroner replied, "No."
"Ah," the attorney said, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
The coroner rolled his eyes, and shot back "Counselor, at the time I signed the death certificate the man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I can see your point. For all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
07-02-2012, 02:08 PM
#10
Senior Member
Join Date: 01-07-2011
Location: Mira Loma, CA
Posts: 1,366
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.