Jokes
04-03-2009, 06:36 PM
#31
Member
Join Date: 02-02-2009
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 59
Two Ivy Leagues coeds are taking their spring break vacation in Texas when a good ol boy starts hitting on them by the pool. “So what school ya’ll go to?”
“Yale.” Says one of the girls.
"I SAID WHAT SCHOOL YA'LL GO TO?"
“Yale.” Says one of the girls.
"I SAID WHAT SCHOOL YA'LL GO TO?"
04-06-2009, 05:30 AM
#32
Senior Member
Join Date: 06-02-2008
Location: Fairport Harbor, OH
Posts: 2,358
Hey Texans... 
04-06-2009, 10:03 AM
#33
Senior Member
Join Date: 04-11-2008
Location: Eastpointe,MI.
Posts: 663
Two brothers grew up in the coal mining region of Kentucky.The elder brother decided that coal mining wasn't for him so he went off to college and became a business tycoon.The younger brother stayed behind to take care of the parents and work the mines like their father.One day,several years along,the elder son got a call from the younger son informing him that their Dad had died.The elder son told his brother that he had an important business deal to finalize in Europe and that he couldn't fly home to Kentucky.So he told his brother to give their Dad a first class funeral and send him the bills.
A month passes and the elder son starts going through the bills and pays them.The next month he sees another bill from a men's clothier.Thinking he forgot to pay the bill the prior month,he fires off a check.The NEXT month he gets a bill from the same place.Knowing that he paid the bill,he calls his younger brother.
"Why do I keep getting bills from a men's store for Dad?"
"Remember you said to give Dad a first class send off?"
"Yes."
"Well,I rented him a tux!"
A month passes and the elder son starts going through the bills and pays them.The next month he sees another bill from a men's clothier.Thinking he forgot to pay the bill the prior month,he fires off a check.The NEXT month he gets a bill from the same place.Knowing that he paid the bill,he calls his younger brother.
"Why do I keep getting bills from a men's store for Dad?"
"Remember you said to give Dad a first class send off?"
"Yes."
"Well,I rented him a tux!"
04-06-2009, 04:36 PM
#34
Founding Member
Join Date: 11-23-2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 8,210
Owned??
You Know You’re from Ohio When...
You've never met any celebrities.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
"Vacation" means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King's Island.
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
You measure distance in minutes.
Down south to you means Kentucky.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.
You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You think that deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
You know what a real buckeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
You know if another Ohioian is from southern, middle or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.
You can spell words like Cuyahoga and Tuscarawas.
You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Ohio friends.
Isn't it sad? You just said "yup" and "uh-huh" or aint that the truth" to m
You've never met any celebrities.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
"Vacation" means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King's Island.
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
You measure distance in minutes.
Down south to you means Kentucky.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.
You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You think that deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
You know what a real buckeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
You know if another Ohioian is from southern, middle or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.
You can spell words like Cuyahoga and Tuscarawas.
You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Ohio friends.
Isn't it sad? You just said "yup" and "uh-huh" or aint that the truth" to m
04-07-2009, 05:40 AM
#36
Senior Member
Join Date: 06-02-2008
Location: Fairport Harbor, OH
Posts: 2,358
You Know You’re from Ohio When...
"Vacation" means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King's Island.
You see all the biggest bands on a Tuesday or Wednesday night.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks. ← WRONG! no one says "sack" it's paper or plastic! (or bring your own)
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain or animal or insect.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction. The State tree is an orange barrel.
You know what a real buckeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
You know if another Ohioian is from southern, middle or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.
You can spell words like Cuyahoga and Tuscarawas.
You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Ohio friends.
Isn't it sad? You just said "uh-huh"
"Vacation" means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King's Island.
You see all the biggest bands on a Tuesday or Wednesday night.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks. ← WRONG! no one says "sack" it's paper or plastic! (or bring your own)
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain or animal or insect.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction. The State tree is an orange barrel.
You know what a real buckeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
You know if another Ohioian is from southern, middle or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.
You can spell words like Cuyahoga and Tuscarawas.
You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Ohio friends.
Isn't it sad? You just said "uh-huh"
04-08-2009, 02:56 AM
#37
Senior Member
Join Date: 11-07-2007
Location: Southside of Houston Texas
Posts: 1,613
How to fix the Economy
How to fix the Economy
.Hey, this would work! Cheaper too.
This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper.
The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!
Dear Mr. President,
Patriotic retirement: There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force - Pay them $1 million apiece severance with the following stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2)) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house/pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.
It can't get any easier than that! PS If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes…
.Hey, this would work! Cheaper too.
This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper.
The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!
Dear Mr. President,
Patriotic retirement: There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force - Pay them $1 million apiece severance with the following stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2)) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house/pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.
It can't get any easier than that! PS If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes…
04-08-2009, 02:57 AM
#38
Senior Member
Join Date: 11-07-2007
Location: Southside of Houston Texas
Posts: 1,613
